How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
