grandma shit on top of the toilet
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
