let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
