Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
