you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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