I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
