Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
