I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
