3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
