I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
