I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
