don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
