I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if only i could text you this smell
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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