Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
