Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
