But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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