I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
