Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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