He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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