Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
