WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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