if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
