he puts the penis in happiness.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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