last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
