I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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