does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
