There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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