Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
