He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
