Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
