I must be too annoying 4 u.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
