Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize