I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
