Actions speak louder than pants.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
third nipple confirmed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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