I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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