Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
