you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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