Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
