oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you win again, gameday.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
