Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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