His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there was a trapeze. enough said
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
