my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
