4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
