I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
