I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
