He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
