covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
