Pappa wants mamma naked
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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