I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
