U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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