If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
