He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
