it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
