So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I forget how to act sober
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
