Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
