You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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