Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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