im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
