Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I could fuck to npr.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
