I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
