If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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